Okay, well, not quite, but almost and this is how it happened…
As per usual I had gone all out in my planning for my last week in Thailand. After weeks of reading, searching, and asking around I had settled on Koh Tao and the Baan Talay Resort, mainly because they offered yoga classes and huts with hammocks in an ultra secluded location.
Before I continue my story, let me say that Baan Talay couldn’t be any more beautiful, so if you go to Koh Tao, I can highly recommend it. However this is not meant to be your average raving hotel review though it would deserve one. I just think as per usual the buts make for a more fun story.
The one but of Baan Talay is that you are completely surrounded by nature. Which of course is great in theory, especially when you learn that trees are not cut away just to have a view and that everything is done in the least invasive way possible. But it also means that nature will come into your room. My first act upon arrival is to discard a spider from the inside of the mosquito net into my empty juice cup. It is small and I guess spiders are to be expected in such a place as are geckos on the ceiling and who doesn’t like geckos anyhow? The real trouble starts in the bathroom.
If you want to seduce me don’t bother with candle light dinners or bubble bath, give me an outdoor shower in a tropical location – actually, no, anywhere really – and I am yours
forever for as long as there is hot water.
So I would hail an entire outdoor bathroom the holy grail of all bathrooms and the one at Baan Talay even comes with its own tree. But while outdoor bathrooms are awesome, they come with the price that you may have to shower with a cricket that is big enough to feed an entire family or such…
So this is the setting for this story and here it how it happened:
19h00: I go into the bathroom after dinner (Don’t judge me for the early bird dinner, I was completely exhausted!) only to find that something has pushed over my lotion bottles, peed next to the sink, and left droppings all around. I presume it must have been a gecko, because something that makes such loud noises must be full of shit and I haven’t seen anything else around, spider and cricket don’t seem capable. I don’t mind too much as my bottles are closed and so I just clean up after the little bugger and put my hairbrush away. I am briefly worried about the future of my toothbrush, because I’m not sure how good geckos’ aim is, but am willing to take my chances.
08h00: I discover that the gecko has been back. He seems to either really like or dislike oils because both, my argan oil and my suntan oil, are pushed over, again. He has also gnarled at and taken the spray top off the argan oil, leaving teeth marks on it! Do geckos have teeth? And if not, the teeth marks being too delicate for a cat or such, I am not sure what options I’m left with. Oh, and also he, the presumed gecko, ate my contraceptive. He (I’m calling it a he, because I don’t think a girl would do that to another) came in from the plastic side, so now there are little plastic bits all over the sink.
It is honestly the most bizarre thing ever and I keep looking around to check if they might have just magically fallen out somehow, which seems more likely than saying a gecko ate my contraceptive.
*Please make it your next party conversation starter to ask people if they have ever had their contraceptive eaten by a gecko and report back with answers. I hate to think I’m the only one.*
10h00: I tell the receptionist and she reckons that it’s not a gecko, but a rat. I am so not impressed; while I like pet rats, I don’t like rats who gnarls on my argan oil (though it would mean the rat has really great, if expensive taste).
12h00: Devrim, the owner, reckons it was a squirrel. Which of course I like much better, squirrels are cute-ish. But he also says that squirrels tend to eat soap and my soap is untouched, so maybe a rat is more likely. He says in any case they are forest rats not sewer rats which is of course preferable, who doesn’t like forest stuff?
21h00: There is a huge chameleon sitting above the toilet, talking to his lady friend underneath the thatched roof. While not a rat, I really don’t want to use the toilet while they are sitting above me. Surely it can jump on me?! I add them to the growing list of who-ate-my-contraceptive-suspects.
21h30: I pack away my toothbrush. For some reason alleged gecko droppings were a whole lot more appealing than rat droppings.
23h15: Something is moving in my room. I’m sure whatever it is can fly and jump and will land on me any moment now. I play ostrich and shut my eyes a little bit tighter while putting a pillow over my head.
23h20: A pillow over the head is no good with 80% humidity.
08h15 and hitting the snooze button twice: There are gecko/squirrel/rat/chameleon droppings on the floor. I check my backpack to make sure that it is alright. It isn’t. The gecko/squirrel/rat/chameleon has eaten a big hole in it.
I take all of that as a sign that I’m not meant to be a backpacker and so the backpack has only been on a recent trip to the Arctic with my friend and I made sure before there wouldn’t be any geckos around.
P.S. Of course I have pictures to prove it all, but honestly they are just not so appealing, dropping and all, so I have refrained from posting them. If you keen or you don’t believe my tale, please email me and I will send them to you.